Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
