This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i now understand why vodka
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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