I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
