How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
