My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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