Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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