i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
