i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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