yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just gift wrapped bread.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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