Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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