Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She announced her abortion via fbk
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
