Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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