I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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