we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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