I'm gonna have a badass scar
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
