Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Houston, we have a blender
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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