He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
