She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
