its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
