During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
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You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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