I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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