What a fucking waste of an outfit
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
