where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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