i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
