I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
