my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
