i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
cat food counts as protein by the way
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
