I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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