Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
