highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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