Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
