He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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