Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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