He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
