If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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