You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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