Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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