I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish I could teleport
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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