Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
