First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
