Midget sex pt 2 tonight
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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