pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
