my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
