I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
