i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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