Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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