Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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