I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
