stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
