Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
