i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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