Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
