I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
