I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
