The maid of honor just puked.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
