If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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