He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
