We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
