A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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