she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
