How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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