I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
not ubering you a puppy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
