he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
