no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
