In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
