You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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