you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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