ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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