It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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