I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
