drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
