no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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