You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
