if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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