that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
