we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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