Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
