i don't like sucking hair
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
